Back to reality:

 I'm going to try and start writing when I feel down. We'll see what happens; it'll be a bit of an experiment. I feel like lately I keep snapping back to what my life actually is after I have a period of time where I feel somewhat happy. If I'm being honest, which I may as well be, I still haven't fully overcome suicidal ideation. I have a therapy session in 2 days so maybe I'll talk to her about it, but probably not. 


My cat is in my lap right now, she's kind of all I have. I know I have Jesus too but I can't see him with my eyes, so it's different.


I beatboxed in front of about 20 people a couple hour ago. It was kind of fun but I was more nervous than I should've been. I think I know why. I'm not going to share why for various reasons. I spoke to a kid there named Connor and we laughed quite a bit. He's 15 years old. I saw him last time sitting by himself so I kind of knew he was an introvert. There were some pretty young girls there (pretty and young haha). I don't know why I can't just be fine with being single. I suppose it goes back to what God said after he created Adam. I told one of the girls I liked her boots, because I did. It was also a reference (that only I got) to Link Neal from GMM. We talked for a bit; perhaps that'll lead to something.


There were still people there after 9 PM so I just ended up absconding because my social battery had pretty much run out. I had an overall good time but I don't know, I guess I again feel like I don't really belong there. I'll probably make myself keep going despite this. Apparently it's not good to isolate yourself.


Okay, I think that's it for now. I'm probably going to make a YouTube video or two now. 

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